Asshole
I was sick of people treating me
like a sack of shit. You’d think I was exaggerating, but I wasn’t. I must have
had this aura, this presence, that people sub consciously pick up on where they
think to themselves “I can be a complete prick to this guy and feel good about
it”. People have always said rude things to me, things I know they wouldn’t say
to any other; however with me it was open fucking season. Well I had it, and I
had decided, standing in that airport terminal that I wasn’t going to take it
anymore. Anyone who gave me shit was getting it back tenfold. That’s when it
happened, it didn’t take long for this decision to have its complete effect on
my life…
Needing to charge my phone, I
was searching the walls of the airports for outlets, and found some among a
line of wheelchairs. Noticing that there were about 7 of them, and the
likelihood that all 7 would be needed in the next 20 minutes was relatively
small, I plopped down in one and plugged my phone in. Now keep in mind, if 7
geriatrics stepped off the next plane, I’d get up in a heartbeat, but for right
now I was just minding my own business. That’s when it happened. This middle
aged fellow completely covered from neck to ankle in denim walks up to me and
says in smokers voice “you know, it’s pretty insensitive to sit in that
wheelchair when you don’t need it.”
This
did it, this took the cake, broke the camels back, screwed the pooch. I lost my
shit, and instead of jumping up and kicking this guy in the nuts (probably
protected by denim underwear), the world came to a stop and I had this moment
of clarity. Finally I had the perfect response to someone fucking with me. I
got out of the chair, turned slowly, faced him and said quietly and calmly,
“you know it’s insensitive to wear all denim at an airport where people can see
you”. After I said it, inside my body I was screaming and celebrating my
victory, my heart pounding at the thought of this guys spirits just getting
crushed. It was doing all of this inside celebrating that I failed to see his
fist coming towards me. The second it impacted with my neck I knew I was dead.
I could feel my Adam’s apple hitting the back of my throat and my larynx begin
to swell. I could feel warm blood start to enter my lungs and stomach. As I
fell to the ground, clutching my throat, the cops started running over. People
now at this point just looking, no one but denim guy and I know why this
happened. This is when I had my second moment of clarity.
Lying
on the ground of some airport in some city I have probably never visited, I
looked up at my assailant and smiled. Coughing and gasping for air I realized I
had won, finally, and ultimately. Not only did I zing this guy to the point of
homicide, but now he’s got to look at me smiling at him and for the rest of his
life he won’t know why. He now has his life in jail to think about why he did
this and why I reacted the way I did. He’s there because he’s an asshole, and
he met another asshole who decided not to take anyone’s shit. That and because
he had really bad taste in clothing.
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